Well, things are looking up a little, I haven't been as down lately as I was, I still feel pathetic most of the time  but Chris and I sat down the other day and I told him I thought I needed help, I have all the red flags of depression, hopelessness, feelings of worthlessness and that I've let people down, not being able to sleep or having days where that's all I want to do, loosing interest in things I usually enjoy, plus the things that lead to depression I've had  recently, mourning (in the past year we have lost so many people that mean so much to us, Chris' dad, my uncle Joe who was a father figure to me, my aunt Helen "Grandma Hel" my grandma Lucille), we just had a HUGE cross country move, money issues (we're a military family, there is ALWAYS money issues!), marital problems.....so yeah, we've decided it's best I get some help.
While I'm on the subject I want to tell about the thing that happend to me the other night.
I was soooo tired but couldn't sleep, Aiden was in bed with us taking up my entire side of the bed so I was sitting upright trying to sleep but couldn't, it's like I was too tired to sleep, my whole body ached and I was just weary, so I thought I would come down stairs to get some tylenol pm to help me sleep.....well, I started to get up and go into the hallway to go down stairs but all of a sudden I got really scared, there was someone, a big man, a big menacing, scary man in my hallway and he wasn't going to let me leave the bedroom, of course there was no one physically there, but I felt him none the less, I KNEW he was there and he was mad and it was like there was a voice in my head telling me it was best I just got back in bed, so I picked Aiden up and held him on my chest, pulled the covers over my head and prayed before forcing myself to go to sleep.  Well, the next day the day the more I thought about it the more I thought that had to be my angel, I have never felt any kind of dark spirit here at all and what I felt didn't feel dark, not like some I've felt, he was just menacing....well, from what I've read your angel will do whatever it takes to make sure you're safe and if it means scaring you then they will do that too.  There was a reason George (I've always called him that, maybe that's his name, maybe not) was there that night scaring me, maybe he knew how tired I was and accidents do happen when it comes to taking medication, maybe he knew that I wasn't in my right mind and would "accidently on purpose" take too many tylenol pm, whatever the case, I thank God for sending someone to watch over me that night even if it took scaring me into going back to bed and toughing it out.  Everyone I've talked to agrees that whoever or whatever was there that night may have saved my life and that it WAS my angel watching over me, the same way he has watched over me all these years .

Make yourself familiar with the angels and behold them frequently in spirit;
for without being seen, they are present with you.   
St.Francis De Sales

Wow Paula...it does sound like you were visited by your guardian angel. I have already said a prayer and thanked him/her for saving my friend. Honey, I'm worried about you. I'm glad that you have decided to get some help. Sometimes we all need a helping hand. Remember, God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I'll e-mail you my # privately...please use it. I'll listen and help you if I can. Big hugs to you my darling Paula. I love you.